WAHM: Don't know how to get started!

I've been on both sides of the fence. I have been a working mum and I have been a stay at home mum. Both have advantages and both have disadvantages.

I have experienced the guilt of leaving your child for so many hours a day to go and work and bring money in. I have experienced the exhaustion of rushing constantly from home to creche to work to creche to home, the exhaustion of having to do everything to a strict schedule and only putting your feet up late at night, thinking now I can relax and falling asleep on the sofa 10 minutes later. I have experienced the corporate world and climbed up the ladder only to be made redundant after 10 years of loyal services. My dedication and loyalty to the company meant nothing to them. At first, I was glad not to have to return to work, not to fall back into that trap of running around like a headless chicken. Feeling like I was being cut in half, feeling like I couldn't give as much as somebody who didn't have children, because I had to leave on time to pick Marie up, because there was always the possibility of THE phone call, that something happened and that I would have to leave work and feel like I was letting other people down. Feeling like I wasn't flexible enough for the company. Although nothing was ever said to that effect, it was always there at the back of my mind.
And then there is the other side of it, feeling guilty that I couldn't see Marie's first steps, first words, delegating so many of the decisions to the creche. They made the transition to solids, not me, they potty trained her, not me, they looked after and cared for her, not me. So many not mes. Feeling guilty about it all, because in the back of my mind, it should have been me. She was my child, my responsibility, mine to bring up, I should have been there to make those decisions, witness those firsts. I was torn like most of working mums are.

Then after being made redundant, I jumped the fence and stayed at home. It was and still is a wonderful experience. I am there for those firsts for Noelie, I am there for Marie to help with her homework, to get her to school and pick her up, I look after the house, I look after Mr Foodie and I am enjoying it immensely. I don't need to rush from here to there, like I used to. I feel more complete and I feel like I belong. But there is a downside to it too. Unfortunately, it's quite a damn big one. Financially, things are harder, as you would expect them to be. I feel guilty about the fact that I don't bring in an income and that we have to be more careful with our money. I feel guilty that Mr Foodie works his arse off and I don't share the financial burden. He works hard and should be able to enjoy the rewards of his hard work instead of being faced with the worry of what had come out, what needs to come out and how much is there left, of how can we save more. I am very grateful to him for not complaining about and getting on with things. But yet, once again, I am not 100% happy with the balance. Before it was too much work, not enough time for the children and enough money and now, it's enough time with the children, and not enough money. Does a mother's guilt ever go away? It feels like you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

There has to be a happy medium or is it just an illusion? And then I look at my lovely neighbour. She is a work at home mum. She has two successful business that she runs from home, that bring in an income. She is a personal trainer and she is also a hairdresser. And I envy her. It feels like she has found that balance I am currently looking for. This is what I would like to do. I would love to be a work at home mum. Unfortunately, I don't have any of her hands on skills, I can't cut hair, I can't train people, I can't do much with my hands other than cook and bake. I have other skills, of course. I have made a list of them.  I am fluent in French and English. I can teach people. I can make mean PowerPoint presentations. I'm sure I have skills there that would allow me to make a living from home. I'm far from stupid, I learn fast. I just need to be able to take my skills out of the corporate environment and apply them differently. I can see that this is what I need to do. I just don't know where to start, what to do and how to go about it. Self doubt is clouding my judgement. I just need to think outside the box for long enough to be able to formulate a viable idea (not easy with baby brain!). All I need is a bit of direction and support. Does anybody have any spare supply of it?

A wonderful start to the run up to Christmas.

How would you feel if you got a text from somebody telling you that, unfortunately, their situation is such that they won't be able to buy your kids presents for Christmas this year?

You could react the way we did and reply that it's no big deal and that the kids get too much anyway and offer help to that person, in as big or small a way you can.

Or you could react differently. We weren't the only ones to get the text, and I was really shocked by somebody else's reaction. Well, shocked at first and, now that the shock has worn off, rather pissed off about it. Somebody else, after getting the exact same text we did, complained about it! Yes, you heard well, complained or rather said that they were quite annoyed over it. Their reasons for reacting that way were the following:

- ''We already bought presents for the kids.''

Good for you. You are obviously extremely organized and, unlike me, get your Christmas shopping in by the end of August. Although, personally, I think Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without that mad rush of last minute shopping. And I thought Christmas was all about giving! Obviously not for some people, you seem to give to receive.

- What's €10?.

€10 in itself is not much but multiply it by 5 that's €50 already. And that's without counting their partner, their own kids, and their parents at least.

- How can you explain that to the kids?

I know my kids, and I know that Marie (at least, because Noelie is too young) is told not to expect presents off everybody at Christmas. And if she was to be told that such and such can't buy them Christmas presents this year because they don't have enough money, she would understand it and, knowing her, she would probably even go and get her piggy bank and give it to them.
Which way do you bring up you kids? So that if they give a present, they expect one in return? In such a way, that they don't understand that sometimes people don't have enough money? In such a way that they feel entitled? Way to go! I'd hate to see you in a position where you can't afford it, how would you explain that one to the kids!

- We are all in the same boat.

Well obviously not, otherwise we would all have gotten our Christmas presents already, or we would have all sent the same text. Yes, it is hard on everybody this year but you have to admit that it is harder on some than it is on others. Everybody's situation is different. You were in that boat a few months back when you couldn't afford to chip in with a special celebration because you were only back from holidays. Did we say anything? No.

It took a tremendous amount of courage for that person to send that text, to publicize to a point that they are having difficulties. I am sure that to come up with such a decision must have hurt them immensely, especially knowing how much they adore the kids. But they are being realistic and I applaud them for it. I can only imagine how hard it must be for them not to be able to buy the kids something for Christmas or how hard it will be for them on the day. And bitching and moaning about it behind their back is not going to help them either or make them feel any better about it.

So don't worry, your kids will get presents from us this year. One thing I know though is that I won't enjoy buying them or giving them. Actually, I wonder how they would feel about some homemade present or is that not good enough either?

As you can tell, I am rather annoyed at them for reacting that way but what about you? How would you have reacted?