When we got the phone line and broadband in with you, we thought you would provide us with acceptable service. You know Next Generation, national provider etc. Well, I am quite unhappy to say that we have felt terribly let down by you. Firstly, there is no such thing as Next Generation, never congested broadband if you live in the middle of the sticks. The only thing you can get is a measly 1GB broadband. But hey, considering you're the only one that can provide us with Internet access here, we went along with it. What we didn't expect was a broadband that is so temperamental that it drops 5 to 6 times a day for anything up to 5 hours at a time and only seems to be working in the middle of the night. I know us parents tend to be sleep deprived and be up in the middle of the night etc. But seriously, I don't want to have to set my alarm clock to 2 am to be able to use my computer and write a blog post without you dropping for god knows how long. So when your engineer came out back in October and fixed the problem, we thought that would be it. Cue buzzer sound. Wrong answer! A couple of months ago, the problem started again and had worsened causing SuperFoodie to done his supercape and fight with you. You sent somebody out to the house, who couldn't figure out what was wrong so you declared the problem fixed. It wasn't. So SuperFoodie had to come out of his slumber again to make you understand that it wasn't fixed. Eventually, you sent the same engineer back up. Maybe this time he did his job, maybe he just got lucky but anyway, the broadband has not dropped since yesterday, so maybe the problem is fixed. In the meantime, be warned SuperFoodie wants his money back.
A suffering from Internet withdrawal Foodie Mummy.
Dear mobile phone,
I have always looked after you. I fed you phone numbers and music and pictures and other things. So when you decided to crash on me back in November, I wasn't happy. I was even less happy when I realized that I couldn't retrieve any of those things especially my dates from your little chip. You have now been replaced by a lovely Smartphone and I don't miss you.
A struggling to use the touch screen thing Foodie Mummy.
Dear pregnancy test that tells you how long you're gone.
You obviously only work for the people who are eager to know as early as possible. I spent quite some money on you only to discover that you could only tell me that I was 3 weeks +. Thank you for nothing, I knew that already! I was hoping for a more accurate assessment.
Why did you have to make time stand still for more than a month! If you hadn't come, maybe I would have remembered that my last period was that long ago, instead, I looked like an idiot when I went to the doctor's in February saying I thought I was pregnant but that I couldn't remember the date of my last period because of a crashed phone and you. I also looked like an idiot when I went to the hospital for the first time and the midwife thought I was 18 weeks gone instead of the 16 weeks we had settled for. I still do look like an idiot, when I tell people that I am between 19 and 21 weeks pregnant or that the baby is due sometimes between July and August. Hopefully, the upcoming scan will be able to help us narrow it down.
A halfway through pregnancy Foodie Mummy.
Dear peanut in my belly.
Sorry for not acknowledging your existence any earlier, but can you please stop making me pay for it now and lay off my sciatic nerve and bladder? Not being able to get up to go to the loo because I can't move my legs or even just sit on the toilet without feeling sharp pains is not Mummy's idea of fun, especially in the middle of the night. I promise that we will have lots of fun when you come out but in the meantime, please shift positions.
A struggling to move Foodie Mummy.